You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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