She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
