I feel like I'm in dance class right now
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
