I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
