I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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