you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
