You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
