I look better un-naked...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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