Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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