just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
