another moral hangover. fuck.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
