I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
