piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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