There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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