Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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