I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
