I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
