hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How's work?
Spinning.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
