So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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