Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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