But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
