she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
