You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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