it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
