he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
