im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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