Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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