Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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