I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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