2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
