When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
