What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
