Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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