Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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