shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
