I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
