Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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