Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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