Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
