no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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