Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
