This show inspires me to have sex in space
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
