Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
