The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
