Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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