I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
