She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
