Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
