so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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