I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You took a bar mat shot.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
