Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We talked him into tasing himself.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
