it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
